someone owes me an orgasm
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
