You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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