What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
