Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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