Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
