A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
