I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
