I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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