I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
