Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
