He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pants are for mortals
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
