Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
