So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
