You really coming over, don't trick.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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