It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
