I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
