Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
