It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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