put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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