Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
