he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
