Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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