What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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