I CAN MOONWALK!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
