im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
