So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
