I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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