I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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