ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
