You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
