Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
did you just send me my own nude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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