You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
