I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
