For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
