She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
