you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
