Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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