Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
