hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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