So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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