you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
