Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
