I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
