Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
