I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
