I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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