Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
