Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
