I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
