Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
