The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She needs sedatives and a leash
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
