she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
