I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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